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| Your picture at 17 weeks |
I am so excited I can call you my son! We found out last month that you are a boy! Your dad knew all along that you would be. I have to tell you, I didn't get the same inclination he did so early on- but, about a week before our ultrasound I had this moment where I pictured myself giving birth and the baby they handed me was a sweet, handsome, perfect baby boy. And, I immediately fell in love with that boy. I was carried away for a moment in what I picture those first perfect moments of holding you to be. And I look forward to that day so much!
For some reason finding out your gender made this whole experience a little bit more real. Instead of calling you "the baby", most of the time we now call you Gibson- which is what your name will be when you are born. I loved you before you were even inside my body. I loved you from the moment I found out that we had 8 perfect embryos. I fell more deeply in love with you on the day they transferred two of those embryos into my body. Then again, I fell madly in love with you all over again the day I first heard those 127 perfect little heart beats... and again when at 9 weeks I saw you wiggle your little arms and legs... and again at 13 weeks when I saw that you already loved putting your hands so close to your perfect little face... and again at 17 weeks when I saw the glisten in your dads eye when they told him he would be having a son. And my dear boy, my love for you continues to deepen each and every time I feel you move inside of me.
The sweetest most miraculous moment I have ever felt was the first time I felt your perfect body move around inside of mine. There is something so priceless about feeling your little human life inside of mine. I wake up each morning and can't wait to feel you. Some mornings you sleep in a little longer than others, but without fail the moment I feel you I find myself whispering "thank you thank you thank you" to my Heavenly Father. I owe Him everything. You are our miracle sent from above. There is nothing I could ever do to repay him for you. But, that doesn't mean I won't try. Your dad and I have made sacred promises to raise you to be a righteous man who understands who he is, why he is here, and where you are going.
My son, you are not only our son, but you are a son of God. You come from a noble heritage of not only earthly parents who love and adore you, but Heavenly Parents who I imagine have more love for you than any one person can. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much He sent His Son to die for you. In my journey to have you I learned a lot about the Atonement. And in being pregnant, my appreciation for our Heavenly Father and His Son's perfect sacrifice has grown. Imagine it- He loves us sooo much that He actually let His only begotten Son give His life for the rest of His children. I know that I can never fully understand the immensity of that love, but in becoming your mother I understand that love just a little bit more.
My dear son, you are on this earth to learn and to grow. Some of the opportunities which will allow you this growth won't be fun. They may hurt. They may be frustrating. They may make you question you are. But, I promise you that they are there for your sake. They will help you develop into a righteous man that can live a good life. A life filled with serving others. A life that will lead you back to our Father in Heaven. I promise you son, that I will be here for you every step of the way. As long as I am living I will be here to love you, support you, and help you in any way I can to become a good man. I will wipe away your tears when you trip and fall, or hold you when you get your feelings hurt. I will be firm and unwavering in teaching you the principles of the gospel. I will be there to cheer for you when you succeed and help pick you up when you falter. You are my life's purpose. Every breath I take will be for you. I would without a moments hesitation give my life for you.
Gibson, understanding who we are and why we are here is central to understand where we are going. For my dear boy, where we hope to go is to return to live with our Heavenly Parents. That's why we are here. That is why we have to make it through this maze called life. That is why we stretch and grow. Your father and I hope to live our lives in such a way that you can see your potential. We hope that we can lead by example. We hope that through helping you understand your infinite worth that you too will want join us on the journey in making it back home.
Although this life is filled with so many precious and good things, it unfortunately has some very terrible things in it too. This week there was a tragedy that struck a small town in Connecticut. I won't write the details here because they are too ugly for this precious keepsake of yours. As a result of this tragedy, I have seen many people post things such as "Makes me think I shouldn't have children" or "Why bring children into this horrible world"... I stand strong in my resolve that this is all the more reason to bring precious spirits born to goodly parents to this earth.
There will be moments you will wonder why people do the things they do. You may ask me someday why Heavenly Father allows such things to happen. Both of which have answers too big to write here. What I can tell you is although sometimes this world can be a scary place.... there is still a lot of good in it. You are a light, a flicker of good that has so much potential to contribute back to humanity. You will be the good in the world my dear boy- the good that this world so badly needs. Your dad and I will do everything we can to help you become that power for good.
You may be sick of me saying it by now, but I love you. There are no words that can even begin to describe the love I have for you. My love for you is eternal. I have loved you longer than I can remember. And I will love you forever. To borrow from my favorite children's book (which I plan on reading to you over and over again), I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
Love,
Your Mom
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