Worth the Wait...



Baby's first picture!


Dear Baby(ies),

Yesterday culminated into what I can only describe as the best day of my life.  For baby, it was yesterday that we found out we are pregnant with you.  As you know by now, our path to having you has felt long and hard. It has been filled with all sorts of curves and surprises along the way.  And even though at times the road felt lonely and unending, the wait to have you was absolutely worth it. 

Before hearing the amazing news yesterday it had been quite the week.... and had been filled with so many emotions.  To be honest, I am just barely starting to process them all.  Last Monday was the day of our embryo transfer.  This is the part of the IVF process in which they select the best embryo(s) to transfer back into my uterus.  In our case, they selected the best two.   The embryologist gave us the above picture right before we went into the operating room.  I will have to tell you, the moment they placed you inside of my body was one of the most spiritual and tender moments I have ever had.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt as I watched the doctor carefully place you inside of me that he had been given a talent, and with that talent he was helping a dream come true for us.  I know our Heavenly Father gave him the talents and abilities he has to bless the lives of others people like us.

Some people might resent not getting pregnant the conventional way but I don't...   Not many people are able to exercise such faith, desire, and sacrifice to have a child.  Your father and I would go to any length to have you,  and in fact went to great lengths to bring you here.  But with all efforts we went through, this miracle wouldn't have happened without our Heavenly Father.  He absolutely answered the most tender prayers and pleadings of my heart.  This long journey has been filled with so many tender mercies- some so tender and dear to my heart I can't bring myself to write them here.  Those tender mercies we experienced are priceless.

After the transfer Dr. Goldstein told me the next 10 days would be hard.  And he was right.  We had to wait 10 days to find out if we were pregnant with you.  There were some days that weren't too bad, but there were a couple of days I was an absolute mess.  The day after our transfer we found out they weren't able to freeze the remaining embryos. That was a sad moment for me.  I felt defeated and worried.  I felt a little bit of loss for what might have been for those tiny pieces of life.  But ultimately, I was comforted and able to move past that because I know the Lord has a special place for each one of his children- and those little pieces of us have their special place in His plan.

Then all of a sudden day 10 came and it was time to go to his office to have my blood drawn.  The minute I walked into the lab area the staff was so excited to see me.  They said they had been praying for me, and were sending all of their positive thoughts our way.  It was touching to know that they were rooting for us too.  Before I knew it, my blood was drawn and I was walking out of the office.  They told me they would call me sometime in the afternoon with the results.  It almost seemed mean to have to wait so long...

The minute I walked out of Dr. Goldstein's office I broke out in tears.  It was so weird because they weren't tears of sadness....  I actually had a peaceful feeling.  But I was overcome because I knew that I had given it everything I possibly could, and even though I had given it my all it was ultimately in the Lord's hands- and I needed to lay it at His feet.  And as I was overcome with that realization, I also knew that countless prayers had been offered in our behalf.  I could almost visualize those prayers making their way to our Father in Heaven... and I know that those prayers were a big part of what brought you here to us. 

Before I knew it the phone rang.... and it wasn't even the afternoon yet!  It was Linda Dr. Goldstein's nurse and she said she had some good news.  We found out that I am pregnant and that my pregnancy hormone level looks really good.  120.2 to be exact.  As I heard this I had to sit down, and in that moment I completely lost it.    I shed countless tears of joy.  The moment I had dreamed of for so long was really here.  My heart was completely overcome with a feeling of gratitude I can't describe- and still can't.  In fact, I am still in shock.  I feel so undeserving to have such a dream come true.

And now baby I sit here writing this knowing you are growing inside my belly.  I am without words to describe how I feel inside.  For you are my tiny little miracle(s)... a miracle which would have never come to pass without a loving Heavenly Father who allowed so many doors to open.... and each of those doors led us to you.  So I ask you baby, please be strong, keep growing, know that mommy loves you, and I can't wait to meet you in a few short months.

Love,

Your Mom