Stretching and Growing...

Dear Baby,

Throughout this life, we are given lots of opportunities (aka trials) to stretch our capacities and to grow our faith. On the days where I am able to think positively, I realize this is an incredible opportunity to stretch and to grow. I came home from church a few weeks ago and was particularly touched by the lyrics of this song:

Stronger than the Storn
by Katherine Nelson

She feels the storm around her
Her heart is filled with fear
The dreams that she once held
No longer seem so clear
And She wonders if
She has the strength within
She feels the raging seas
And doubts that she can win

His Hands have power to calm the winds
And the seas are under His command
And He stands when all else falls
He is always stronger than the storm.

And as the winds grow stronger
She knows she can't let go
She pleads to the Father
He strengthens her soul
The winds beat down
they wash away her pride
when the storm moves on
All that is pure is left inside.

She knows His Hands have power to calm the winds
And the seas are under His command
And He stands when all else falls
He is always stronger than the storm.

She knows He's stronger than the storm.

Honestly Baby, there are so many days that I wonder if I really am stronger than this storm. I think most of my days are spent in some measure of prayer of communication with Heavenly Father. I find myself sometimes just asking to help me make it through the next 5 minutes. Today after one of those moments I was reminded of a time a few years back when I trained for a marathon. Although baby, this life really isn't a race- this experience can be compared to the preparation spent for my marathon. It's easy to run a 5k. And really, a 5k is a good thing. You should be happy to be able to be physically fit enough to run a 5k.... A 5k is quick. You can finish it in under a half hour. You find a measure of satisfaction being able to do it. And really anyone can. A marathon however, requires so much more. It requires training. You have to use and stretch new muscles. They have to become strong. To do it successfully it takes time. There is a huge measure of satisfaction and joy you feel when crossing the finish line. Not many people can do it. And so is my struggle to have you.... Most will only have to face the distance of a 5k to have a child. I feel like I am on mile 18 of my marathon. I am tired, my muscles are weak, but they are stronger than they were before I started training. I can't quite see the finish line yet, but I know it's out there. And baby, like a crossing the finish line of a marathon- the first time I hold you will give me so much joy. More satisfaction and elation than any 5k finish.

There is something about having to exercise patience for something your heart aches for. It has the ability to refine you, not define you. I have days where I almost let this challenge define me. I almost let it make me unhappy. Sometimes I even let it make me feel like I am somewhat of a broken woman, that somehow I don't measure up... that the quality of my life isn't what other women's are because I don't have you. But Baby, it simply isn't true. I am a woman that is a marathon runner, capable of the strenuous training that is needed to make it to the finish line. I have faith that I will have this burden lifted from my shoulder, and in it's place you will be in my arms.

One of my greatest hopes for you is that you have the courage to face the daunting challenge of whatever marathon yours may be. I hope that you know, that you literally can accomplish anything. You will have a mom and a dad that will believe in you... not only will we love to the moon and back we will help you accomplish yours dreams, because you will be our dream come true.

Until Next Time,
Your Future Mom