I have hesitated to share too much on this blog because of my desire to keep the most tender moments of this fertility struggle private. However some of the greatest moments of release come in writing you. I also hope that one day another woman might be able to benefit from being able to gain from the experiences I have had on my journey to having you. With that being said, I am going to put it all out there.
One thing I have learned through this process is that, "The Lord’s way is not to sit at the side of the stream and wait for the water to pass before we cross. It is to come together, roll up our sleeves, go to work, and build a bridge or a boat to cross the waters of our challenges." (Elder Uchtdorf). So baby, I decided I am not going to sit at the side of the stream and wait for you to float on by. I am going to go to work and turn all of my dreams into plans, and I will keep making plans and building bridges until I cross whatever water I need to find you.
What this means for us right now is that our plans are to pursue IVF. In fact, we are knee deep in the process right now. It really is so crazy how the Lord brings you to places you'd never thought you'd be. If you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever pursue advanced fertility treatment like IVF I would have said no. But, somehow somewhere my heart began to soften- and after meeting Dr. Goldstein I felt with 100% surity that this was the right path for us.
Somewhere between finding out Kristi and Katie were pregnant I decided that I just couldn't handle anymore fertility talk let alone any treatments. I stopped taking the Clomid and told Mike and my mom that we were taking a break from all of it, and would re-visit the issue after law school/the bar/and Mike finding a job. This was where I stood and nobody was going to change my mind. And, I think I needed to get to this point to start healing from all of the hurt.
It was in May that my mom called me and told me about a girl in her ward who approached her about wanting to find a fertility specialist. For some reason this sparked a little bit of interest in my mind and I then decided that I would entertain the idea of just consulting with a specialist. So, I googled "fertility Dallas".... and lo and behold Dr. Goldstein's site came up. His site wasn't the top of the results on the screen, but for some reason I pulled his page up first. And, you know what- I liked what I saw. I liked it so much that I emailed them so see what the process was to get an appointment. I assumed it would take months to get in, but the very next day I received a phone call from them and we had an appointment scheduled for two weeks later.
It worked out so nicely that Mike was going to be out in Texas for the summer and our first appointment was scheduled before his internship started. So, we went and saw Dr. Goldstein and his fabulous staff. Here are some things you should know about him.
1. He has the highest success rates in the state of Texas
2. He is ranked #4 across the country for IVF success, and #25 in the world (wow!)
3. He has is very own lab and OR- and can do the entire IVF process from start to finish in his office
4. He told me after all of our tests/ diagnostic procedures that there is no reason that I can't get pregnant, and that all of this was going to work out
It's funny baby, because I went from being petrified of IVF and pretty firm on wanting to wait until after law school to pursue anything more than Clomid to going right to IVF. And there was a piece of me that knew from the very first day that we sat in his office that this is what we were going to do. The rest of the decision process has been really almost miraculous. From having the finances work out seamlessly, to my boss in Mississippi holding my position for me while I took an extended leave, and having the amazing opportunity to work from home... it all just came together.
So baby, here we are settling in for the night- the night before Dr. Goldstein goes in for our retrieval. And my heart is at peace. I know that there is about a 70% chance this will work. And, I will do this again, and again and again and again to have you. I will build any bridge, cross any water, pursue any medical intervention, spend all of my retirement, and exhaust every effort to have you.
So wish us luck tomorrow baby... because tomorrow is one day closer to bringing you down here to us.
Love,
Your Future Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment